Excuse ME!

Is it just me or don't people say, "Excuse me," anymore? In fact, does anyone have any manners anymore? It's not just something I've noticed in New York City; I'm noticing everywhere I go. What happened to the good old days of proper etiquette?

Of course, working in New York City, the number one place to come face to face with rudeness is walking down the sidewalk. Tons of people meshing together to make mini-blockades that will either push you aside or plain knock you down. Male-chauvinists and the filth of the streets murmur disgusting comments under their breath as you walk by. Taxi drivers are willing to mow you down to get to their next fare. Combine all of that with the dirty streets, the horrible smells of the gutters and subways and the heavy haze that hangs over the city, and you have a pretty good pot of darkness and evil brewing. New York is known for being rude and pushy. I was just shocked when I started noticing the rudeness spreading to New Jersey and Connecticut and Pennsylvania...

I commute to Manhattan everyday. I used to take the bus, but with gas prices being so high, I've turned to the pricey New Jersey Transit as my, believe it or not, cheaper alternative. It seems, though, that no matter where I go, the commuters are all the same: rude, rude, rude. I always sit at the end of the car where the two seats face each other. My reasoning is is that there's so little leg room, it's barely comfortable to fit two people, one facing the other in opposite corners of the seats. I like some open space next to me, and most of the time, people will pass up these seats because there simply is not enough room to fit another full-grown body, let alone two more.

One day, I got on the train and dozed off. We pulled into Matawan-Aberdeen and another woman fit in across from me. We were both comfortable enough, with just enough room for our coats and bags. As we pulled out of the station, she also dozed off. After about ten to fifteen minutes, we pulled into South Amboy, and two other women decide that they couldn't possibly be separated and the only two seats where they could sit together are the two seats left where the woman and I are already sitting. Yes there are two available seats, but please, none of us were that skinny to fit comfortably. Basically they pushed the other woman and myself so far into the wall of the train car, we could barely breathe let alone move. They proceeded to converse at the top of their lungs about bikini waxes and gynecologist visits. Neither the other woman from Matawan-Aberdeen nor I slept the rest of the trip. And the best part, not one "excuse me".

Of course, my favorite, is when people push into those seats and either just chuck your belongings on your lap or keep pushing you until your so squished into the wall you can't move until they stand up to exit. One woman literally sat on my pocketbook, my lunch and my coat, all while pushing me into the wall. After being shocked awake (which anyone who knows me well, is not a good thing), I tried for almost a minute to retrieve my belongings from under her colossal bottom. When I succeeded in getting my things back, she wedged her bag between the two of us forcing me into even closer proximity to the wall. I felt like I was in a torture devise of some sort.

And today, a man got on the train and continued to physically push me and my pocketbook with his hands until I woke up and moved over. Last time checked, I had ears and would respond to a simple "excuse me". I fact, if I didn't respond at first, please just tap me on the shoulder and wake me up. I won't bite. I promise. Of course, this has all happened for over a year on the bus as well (I"m not sure which group is ruder, though).

So when did we lose our manners? Just last night, my mother and I were watching "America's Next Top Model", and she noticed that the girls just aren't taught the same manners she and I were taught. For example, my grandmother made sure to drill into both of us, the basic principles of sitting correctly, speaking politely, eating just the right way. And after her courses in proper behavior, I met my husband who attended West Point, the epicenter of good manners and proper etiquette, and who came from a family who raised him the same way I was raised. Maybe I'm just more privileged than most people, but I never considered good manners a privilege before.

I've also noticed the television shows about British nannies coming to suburban America to save the day from bratty little children. I was never beaten, but I did get the occasional smack if I crossed the line. Who didn't? I know that even the occasional smack can be damaging for some people, but after watching these children on television, I have to admit that timeout doesn't seem to be working. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't a timeout in football or baseball actually give the team some time to come up a with a new plan? How many kids actually sit there and think about what they've just done wrong. Most of them are formulating the next plan. "How can I get Mommy and Daddy next time?" I can tell you this for absolute sure: my children will be raised with the same manners and etiquette my husband and I were raised with. I don't care how antiquated it is! It's bad enough I have to deal with so many rude adults by simply commuting to work and walking down the street. They can spread their bad manners to their children, but my children will be raised properly.

Hopefully someone has learned a lesson while reading this. What's that, you might be asking? Rudeness and foul behavior spread, and they spread rapidly. They spread to other people, to those we love, and most importantly, to children. The song says, "the children are our future," so why pollute them with bad manners and no etiquette? If a child is going to learn from anyone, it's a parent or family member. If you do nothing else while raising your children, please teach them how to behave in public, or we are just going to end up in a world of hatred and evil. It's not worth ignoring when you consider how the world is right now and the direction it's heading.

Pirate fact: Treasures of the Pirate Ship Whydah in Provincetown, Massachusetts, is a public display of artifacts from the first pirate ship ever salvaged. Commanded by pirate captain Samuel Bellamy, the Whydah sank off the coast of Massachusetts in 1717.