Rain, Rain, Go Away!

It's been raining pretty much nonstop here for almost a week, and I'm slowly but surely becoming convinced that rain is only good for the plants and grass and quite detrimental to humans. I don't know why, but the moment it starts to rain, people just become stupid. It's like they've lived in a desert their whole life and they're experiencing rain for the first time ever. What gives people? It's just water!

Where to begin? Where to begin? I suppose I can start with driving. As my grandmother used to say, "Automobiles are like loaded guns. If you don't watch what you're doing every single moment, you'll end up hurt or worse yet, kill yourself or someone else." I'm sure everyone has seen horrible accidents along the highway. It's a terrible sight to see, but people just think they can do whatever they want because they're king of the road. I'm sorry, but just because you have a four wheel drive doesn't mean the rain (and snow) won't affect your driving ability. Do you know what four wheel drive is good for? Driving across a desert with some occasional rocks along the way. Four wheel drive is mind altering and dangerous in bad weather. I know this sounds horrible, but I sometimes ride by accidents and think, "I wonder what you were doing to end up in that position. How fast were you driving?" My husband is notorious (in a good way) for reminding me, or whoever the driver may be, that you should be at least three car lengths behind the car in front of you in the rain and the car lengths increase your speed increases. What can I say, his dad was a health and safety teacher.

I love the people who try and drive through a flooded intersection or down a flooded road. Maybe a Hummer or a Sherman tank could make it, but I'm sorry, you're little roadster is going to quit half way through. I'll be sure to wave as you float by. Oh, and a little factoid to help you brake at the intersection when you finally get out of that blocked off flood zone: tap your breaks a few times to get the water off of them (yes, something else I learned from my husband). If not, well, you'll be in one of those accidents I was talking about earlier.

Back in May of this year, I went a little off the wall about umbrellas and how people in the city just don't care who they hit or poke in the eye (check the blog in the archives). Well, my opinion still stands, and I hate umbrellas. I broke down and started using one this week, only in the slight chance that I may not get as soaked by the time I walk 4 blocks from Penn Station to my office. Yeah, right! Hey, I can't complain. It's lasted me a whole four days--a new record!

I noticed, though, that even pedestrians without umbrellas seem be simply stupid in the rain. Hello! I can see you running toward me in your banana-colored poncho and I'm getting out of the way. There's no reason to shove me. And by the way, it's a fact of Physics that you will get wetter if you run than if you walk (that's a bonus question I got wrong in high school, and I never forgot the right answer, kind of like when I misspelled despair in the 4th grade spelling bee). And what's up with the people who like to make huge splashes in the puddles? It's bad enough the SUV's and hot shot drivers are doing it with their cars, but you feel the need to do it too? Oh yeah, and please control your kids in the puddles. If I wanted to have that much water on me, I'd lie down in the gutter and swim in it myself. Thanks, but no thanks!

And my all time favorite bit of rainy day stupidity--those people who feel it's absolutely necessary to still be fashionable no matter what the weather is. Maybe it's just me, but why would anyone think it's okay to where stilettos in the teaming rain? Or flip-flops? Or shorts? I understand that some people need to dress professionally in their offices, but wouldn't it be smarter to dress professionally and bring an extra pair of shoes with you? I work in a pretty casual office, where the most dressed up person is wearing slacks and a button down shirt. I take full advantage of wearing jeans and cotton tops or sweaters on rainy days. I'm not going to kill myself to look good, if its only going to last until I get out of my car at the train station and have to walk through the monsoon-like weather.

So, what have we all learned here? Don't drive like an idiot because it won't do you or anyone else on the road any good. Watch where you're walking or everyone else around you will end up soaked after you and your brats splash though the puddles. Keep your damn umbrella out of my eye. And finally, if you don't already look like a fashion clown, you certainly will by the time your get to work. Chanel isn't waterproof!

Pirate fact: Pirates would often stock their ships with hardtack (hard biscuits), hens for fresh eggs and beer, which would soon go bad due to a salty taste from the sea air. Pirates would have a plentiful supply of meat from the abundant turtles found in the Caribbean. Limes would be supplied for longer voyages as a good source of Vitamin C. No scurvy aboard this vessel, maties!