Merry F*cking Christmas!

New York City has hit an all new low with me. My parents came up to the city to enjoy some sightseeing, see "Harry Potter" at the IMAX Theatre and just have a plain old good time. I suggested that we meet up when I got out of work, have some dinner and go to the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting, which everyone knows is one of the world's most watched and anticipated tree lightings of the season. Sounds like a good idea, right? WRONG! Thanks to the city of New York, it turned out to be a major pain in the butt and a total bust.

We had dinner at Connolly's on 45th Street, where our friends Black 47 perform regularly. After a cold pint of Magner's and a piping hot shepherds pie, we headed out to Rockefeller Center. According to the three websites I checked, the festivities were to start at 7:00PM, with the actual lighting at 8:50PM, all taking place at Rockefeller Center (5th Avenue between 49th and 50th Streets). Sounds easy enough.

We started out towards 5th Avenue. After a couple of blocks, we notice the crowd is getting pretty dense. Of course, because who wouldn't want to see the tree lighting? So we proceeded a bit further when we came to a police blockade, and they told us we can't proceed any further north on this side of the street. So along with hundreds of other people, we crossed the street where we're told to proceed to Madison Avenue and continue north. We did. At the next block, we turned back towards 5th Avenue, but to no avail because you can't cross the street to the tree lighting. We continued north on 5th Avenue with everyone else and we continued to weave our way between 5th and Madison.

After about three blocks of this in and out nonsense, I stopped a cop (because they were all over) and asked him where we would be able to cross 5th Avenue to see the tree lighting. His response, and I quote, "I'm posted down the street. I don't know." Good job, officer! At the next corner, people were congregating on the steps of St. Patrick's Cathedral in hopes of seeing anything that looked like a Christmas tree. An officer with an electronic bull horn proceeded to tell people, "This is not a spectator area. Continue walking north." I asked this cop where we could cross the street to see the tree lighting and he replied, "I don't know ma'am. Continue walking north." Did I mention they were kicking people off the steps of St. Patrick's? If I yelled, "Sanctuary!" do you think they'd let me stay?

We're get to the top of the next block and we finally see people crossing the street. Great! This was our big chance! "Sorry. Can't get into the tree lighting without a pass." What? Say that again? I need a pass to see a public tree lighting? For the next block or two you needed a pass to cross the street and get into the tree lighting. We were finally able to cross at 52nd Street, 2 blocks away from the tree with no way in because we didn't have a freaking pass! So we made it to 6th Avenue, fought our way through almost the same thing on the way back and ended up at the shops at Bryant Park (which was tons of fun, by the way).

Why am I so upset? 1) Because the citizens of New York and all of those visitors were treated no more highly than cattle or sheep. We were herded through gates, in and out of streets, and crammed together likes sardines. Quite frankly, it was a dangerous situation that could have gone from bad to worse very quickly had something gone wrong. 2) The police were idiots. Let me rephrase that, are idiots. How can you be assigned to such a major event and not know what's going on? Don't your walkie-talkies work? And we're supposed to depend on them for safety? Good luck! 3) And finally, no where on any of the websites I checked (including the official NYC website and the Rockefeller Center website) did it say you needed a pass to get in. So basically, this was the world's largest televised private party. I hope you're happy, Mayor Bloomberg. You were able to have a nice reelection party right at holiday time in front of the whole world.

Overall, Mum and Dad had a great time that day (minus the tree lighting, of course). I was disappointed. I thought this would be so much fun. After all those years of missing the college bus trips to the tree lighting, I was going to actually see it happen, live and in person. Well, that certainly didn't happen. NYC will be lucky if I even watch it on television in the future (sorry WNBC). To Mayor Bloomberg and the NYPD, I hope you have a Merry F*cking Christmas!

Pirate fact: Articles of clothing were acquired from plundering ships. Pirates often wore some very odd costumes because of this. But no pirate would be caught wearing "slops" – the striped shirt worn by British sailors. (Thanks to Beagle Bay books.)