Bennies Go the F*ck Home!!!

As you all know, this past weekend was the unofficial start of summer marked by Memorial Day. Beaches opened, schools were closed, Italian ice stands opened for the first time in six months, and of course, the Bennies came. Yes, the Bennies. The number one hated tourist group at the Jersey Shore. So why the angst? Lend me your ears...

So, what's a Benny? Well, you have two options: 1) the term can refer to where they come from--(B)ayonne, (E)lizabeth, (N)ewark, (N)ew (Y)ork; or 2) the term refers to the fact that they like to throw their "Benjamins" around (aka the Rich Bitches). I prefer the second. Down south they refer to this lovely group as "Shoobies" because they wear their shoes on the beach. Now that we've establish what a Benny is, let's get into what the big deal is.

I've lived on the Jersey Shore my entire life. My house is about 2 miles in from the beach on the main road to our happy little section of the Shore, and to say the traffic is horrendous is quite an understatement. My parents live across the street and down a few houses, and there are many days it takes me 20 minutes to cross and walk what's merely a football field in length. The cars are non-stop and the bikers will simply run you over or die trying. And what was once a nice Victorian house-lined street turns into the local garbage dump. There's more food wrappers and bottles lying in the gutters than there are at the town dump!

And don't forget the parkway. We like to refer to it as the Garden State Parking Lot. Traffic may slightly move from about north of exit 130, but once you hit the Driscoll Bridge, plan on sitting there for hours. Luckily, those of us who have lived here FOREVER know the back ways and can get home from the commuter lot a hell of a lot quicker. Oh, and when it gets to be 5:00PM on Sunday (or Monday if it's a holiday), get in your car, turn on the engine and start heading north. I was almost an hour late for work this Tuesday because no of you wanted to go home.

The town officials and newspapers say the Bennies are good for the economy, which may be true, but dammit, I don't want to fight a mob to get into my favorite hot dog joint! I don't want to stand in line at 7-11 for 15 minutes because that no longer makes it a convenience store. I want to go to my favorite bar and hang out with my friends without having to shout over the obnoxious NYC and Long Island whines. And of course, my favorite, the Boardwalk.

We have two large boardwalks with full amusements, bars, games and restaurants not too far south from where I live. This past Sunday we got the brilliant idea to go to one of them, and all I can say is never, never, NEVER AGAIN on Memorial Day weekend. Granted, the boardwalks are always crowded with locals and Bennies alike, but you can tell who's who. Our locals walk down the boardwalk with their family and friends, dressed decently, making way for others to walk. The Bennies, though, dress like sluts, act like brutes and will do anything in their power to be number one in line. Do me a favor and learn some manors before you come to my turf.

Oh, and you. Yeah, the girl who shouldn't be in a bikini, let alone a bathing suit at all. You've got the dough, so go ask Daddy for some money to buy yourself something flattering, because right now the guys aren't wanting to get in your pants (or the lack there of). No, no. They're running in the opposite direction trying hold in their lunch. And to the rest of you: Pull up your damn pants! We don't want to see your G-strings and thongs!

So, why am I taking such a stand on this? You're thinking I should just move to avoid them completely, right? Guess what?!? I was here first, and so was my family and theirs before that. We're not going anywhere. In fact, as the years have gone on, more and more locals are banding together to tell the Bennies to GO HOME!!! I don't care if you're Italian, Jewish, French, Chinese or Eskimo, you set foot on our turf, you play by our rules. Visiting is one thing, but you're not taking over. Are you always this rude to your hosts?

And there's my summer declaration. No Benny is going to push me out of the way this year, because I'm damn ready to push back. Maybe even mess up your perfect hair (that goes for both men and women). I once saw a bumper sticker that says "Keep New Jersey Beautiful, Go Back to New York Out!" We'd love to give you some down home Jersey Shore hospitality, but you wore out your welcome.

BENNIES, GO THE F*CK HOME!!!

***Do me a favor and support the local links above. These people work their asses off only to be abused by out of towners who think they know it all. I think they deserve as much local support as possible.

Martial Law and the Cupcake

Last night on the news, there was a report on schools that are trying to ban cupcakes, yes cupcakes, at classroom parties. I'm sorry, but isn't that a bit harsh? I mean, they're kids, little kids at that. I understand the principle behind it, but not letting kids enjoy their own classroom birthday parties with their friends is a bit extreme. Little by little, I'm starting to feel like our children, as well as us adults, are slowly being put into a state of Martial Law. I'm sure you think that's a bit extreme, but let me explain.

When I was little, each kid was allowed to bring in cupcakes for their birthday (or cookies, whatever). There was a little party, usually with juice, and everyone was able to enjoy that kid's special day. It didn't matter if everyone was friends or not, but it was time that brought us closer in some little way. It was time we could all share together and remember as we got older. Should this "law" go into effect, our children will lose something that makes childhood special.

I understand removing soda and vending machines from schools. That's fine, simply because the school administration has no control over it. Kids with money will spend it all on sweets and junk food. I know, I used to do it in high school. Sure, you can shut down the machines during classroom hours, but the minute that bell rings and the machines go on, the money starts flowing and the junk food gets eaten. I'll admit, there does need to be some sort of control in this respect (in fact, vending machines should never have been introduced into schools in the first place); however, taking it to the extreme that classroom birthday parties are reduced to "Yeah. It's your birthday" really bugs me.

Other than the home, schools are the number one place to influence children. Kids want to do what their friends are doing, want wear what their friends are wearing, play the sports they want to play, they want to grow into their own person. Instead, they are told no, no, no. No, you can't do this, no you can't do that, no you can't be your own person, no you can't enjoy your own damn birthday. You have to learn Spanish because everyone speaks Spanish in America. You have to know high school level math and science by 6th grade or you'll never make it into college, let alone get a job. More and more, I'm seeing restrictions in schools and in public that are severely handicapping our society.

No more smoking in public places. That's fine. Not everyone smokes, and it is a health hazard. But trying to pass a law that bans you from smoking in your own car and trying to push one that bans smoking outside (which is the only place to smoke other than your home these days), is really pushing it. Cutting down the toll plazas to just a few pay tolls is ridiculous. Not everyone wants EZ-Pass, but they'll keep pushing until the only way to travel on the highway is with EZ-Pass in your window. Being "fined" for doing an in-person transaction at the bank--yeah right, I'll take my business elsewhere (as I did last year thanks to Wachovia's $8 fee included in my account for depositing and withdrawing money from my checking account in person). Raising taxes until people can't afford to live in their homes, yet they have no where else to go because the rates are high everywhere. Cutting down healthcare benefits for the young and old.

What is this world coming to? Actually, I should say, what is this country coming to? America was founded on a strong belief system and the idea of freedom for all. Freedom? What freedom? We're slowly being pushed together into one tight group, with the rich and powerful looking down on us, controlling our every move. That's not what America is supposed to be. Instead, we are supposed to be a country where everyone has a chance and everyone can have a free life, not one filled with restrictions that only damper who we are and who we can become.

It may not be Martial Law in the military sense of the definition, but we're getting there. There is no democracy in America anymore, and if you're not part of "the following", you're losing out. That's what they want you to believe. "This is the way it has to be. We've spent years and tons of money researching it, and this is the way life has to be. Children should be unhappy, the elderly should constantly be sick, and the middle class should really be the lower class." Well guess what? It's not working for me. And if you think you can deny my kid a cupcake on his birthday, then my kid is staying home that day, and we'll eat all the cupcakes all we want. Hell, maybe we'll even drive by the school and throw them at your beautiful luxury cars!

Putting the U.S. to Shame

What is wrong with the people of this country? Today, as many of you know, millions of immigrant workers and those with temporary work visas are protesting the potential passing of an anti-immigration bill. Though I don't totally agree with either side, I do find it amazing how all of these people can band together to make a unified statement, a single demonstration out of many and a nationwide impact on Americans (and the world). I also find it amazing that after all of these years, American-born citizens can't come together to do the same thing for their own God-given rights as members of this "great" nation.

We are supposed to be a democracy, a nation "of the people, for the people and by the people", yet somehow we've lost touch with this idea. We are letting the government run our every minute, every second. We disagree with what they are doing, yet we stand aside and let it happen. I know it can be hard to take a stand, but hollering at your television when the nightly news talks about rising gas prices just isn't going to cut it.

Here are these people, some here legally, some not, and yet they are willing to fight for their rights as American citizens and as hopeful American citizens, all the while we sit at work and at home hoping and praying that our problems will go away. Guess what, they won't. We look at our current situation and we see people trying to put together rallies and protests, and all we can think is, "I'd like to go, but I guess someone else will be there in my place" or "They'll be enough people there to get the message across." It's not working!

Every once in a while, I get one of those emails that say if you don't buy gas on a certain day, there will be a major economic impact. Or those emails that say if you don't buy gas from Exxon or Mobile, our two number one gas giants, we'll be able to cut gas prices over time with a silent economic protest. You know what? I do this. I purposely buy gas from the local mom and pop shop three towns away because I want to make a difference. I write these blogs because I want to make a difference. I want my voice to be heard and I want all of you to do something about what's happening to this country. Cindy Sheehan marches and protests against the war because she believes it's wrong, as do so many Americans. Yet hers is the only name that is heard over and over again, traveling from town to town, protest to protest.

How long has it been since you looked at a history book? Maybe you have kids in school or maybe you are a student. Can anyone name three major wars in which this country was embattled for its own freedoms and views? 1) The French and Indian War--We were still under British rule, but we fought the French for this country because we loved it. 2) The American Revolution--We demanded freedom from the British and we won it (and from the greatest empire in the world at the time!). 3) The American Civil War--We fought to end slavery, and as a result, a nation once divided joined together again to become one of the most powerful nations in the world, expanding its economy, industry and technology. And since then, we have fallen off, concerning ourselves with everyone else's problems and taking our own shortcomings with a grain of salt. And how are we viewed now? Not as the great industrial nation of the late 1800's and early 1900's. Not as the military power we were during WWI and WWII. We are hated throughout the world, and our military efforts in Iraq are nothing but editorial cartoon and late night stand up comedy routine material.

I don't completely agree with either side of the immigration debate, but I have to give credit to those who are protesting and fighting for rights (many of whom run the risk of losing their jobs). They are doing something many of us cannot bring ourselves to do. They are standing up for themselves, for their families, for their rights, for rights many of them don't legally have. We, as Americans, are fully capable of doing this, and there is no excuse for us not to. This is our country. This isn't GW's country, it's not Condoleza's country, this isn't Rumsfeld's country. This is our country, and though I'm not always proud to admit I'm an American, I am damn proud to stand up for my God-given rights.

Pirate fact: "Pieces of eight were actually Spanish silver eight "reales" coins. The gold coins were called "escudos." These had the Spanish coat of arms on one side and two columns depicting the Pillars of Hercules (symbolizing the Straits of Gibraltar) on the other. It is thought that the twin pillars became such a recognized symbol for money that the modern dollar sign evolved from it." (Thanks to http://www.beaglebay.com/pirate_facts.htm#Facts)