Take your blinders off!

Dear citizens of New York and those who commute and work in New York and have picked up their bad habits:

I've finally figured out why New Yorkers were voted the worst drivers. I used to think it was because the cab drivers drove like mad, so everyone else had to drive like crazy to avoid being hit, but no, that's not it. You know why New Yorkers are terrible drivers? Because they're terrible walkers! Yes, you heard me right--terrible walkers!

I can't tell you how many times a day someone will stop dead in front of me and when I run into them, they give me a dirty look or snide comment. Umm, hello! You stopped dead to do what? Was it an emergency? Is there a massive hole in the sidewalk in front your path? Did a rat run out in front of you and you didn't want to step on it? Oh, right, no. You just felt the need to stop and make a phone call. That's why they outlawed cell phone use in cars! Because you can't do both safely at the same time!

And let's not forget the swervers. Yes, folks, it's true. You don't need to be in a car and drunk to swerve all over the place. It's always fun to walk down the street, desperate to get somewhere on time and low and behold, there's a swerver right in front of you and you can't get around them. You try and skirt to the right. Ugh! There's a light post in the way. Try again to the left. Nope! Oncoming pedestrians. You finally catch a break, but you have to dart out into traffic to get away from the swerver.

Then we have the slowpokes. We all know how aggravating it can be to be behind a driver who goes 15 miles under the speed limit and it's a no passing zone, right? Try walking along a busy New York street. Not Times Square--that's a whole separate blog! I mean just a busy street, like 7th or 8th Avenue at lunchtime. You're going along at a good clip. You're just going two blocks to grab take out, when all of a sudden there's a slowpoke in front of you and there's no way to get around them because it's lunchtime and everyone else is on the sidewalk! What should have been a 10 minute run to the local deli (there and back) is now going to take you at least 20 minutes, maybe more. And tourists with maps need to step aside and look at the damn map while not walking at a snail's pace. Either step aside or know where you're going before you set out. Got it?

I know people like to go out with friends and coworkers at lunchtime. That's cool. Be friendly and social. But don't walk five abreast. The sidewalks are only so wide and you have people coming at you from the other direction. We need to get by. No, instead you stay five abreast and you push me out of the way because you're obviously more important than I am. Guess what? One day I'm going to push back and you won't be too happy about that. Oh, yes, I'm talking about sidewalk rage, and it's building up inside me at an alarming rate!

And I'd like to know why the rain and snow make people walk slower. I would think you'd move faster so you don't get as wet, right? I mean, that's what I try and do. But no. Instead the stop-dead-in-front-of-you's, swervers and slowpokes have all been armed with umbrellas. Now they feel obligated to not only do what they are notorious for, but they also think it's okay to poke your eyes out with those damn spokes on the umbrellas.

I think New York pedestrians should be made to wear rear view mirrors so they can see that someone is behind them or trying to pass them. And they should also be fully equipped with turn signals so you know when they plan on cutting you off. And those turn signals will be doubled as hazard lights for those who feel they need to stop dead in the middle of the sidewalk. We should also paint lines down the middle of the sidewalks so that you can stay on your side, and I can stay on mine. We'll all be so much happier if you stop making me run into you! And please don't be alarmed if I start carrying a hand held air horn when I walk around New York. If I honk, it means get the f*** out of my way!

Take your blinders off and take a moment to realize that you aren't the only one on the sidewalk. There are millions of people in this city, plus hundreds of thousands of commuters and tourists. That's a lot of people, folks. Make way or I will!

Your loving NJ Commuter and fellow NYC Pedestrian,
Mad Ann Flint